Hu's on First

News: Hu Jintao, 59, was named general secretary of China's Communist Party Nov. 14, replacing Jiang Zemin. He is expected to be named president in March, when Jiang officially relinquishes that post... We take you now to the Oval Office.

G.W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza Rice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
G.W. Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.
G.W. Bush: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza Rice: That's what I'm telling you.
G.W. Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza Rice: Yes.
G.W. Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza Rice: Hu.
G.W. Bush: The guy in China.
Condoleeza Rice: Hu.
G.W. Bush: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza Rice: Hu.
G.W. Bush: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza Rice: Hu is leading China.
G.W. Bush: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
G.W. Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza Rice: That's the man's name.
G.W. Bush: That's who's name?
Condoleeza Rice: Yes.
G.W. Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza Rice: Yes, sir.
G.W. Bush: Yasser? Yasser Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza Rice: That's correct.
G.W. Bush: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza Rice: Yes, sir.
G.W. Bush: Yasser is in China?

Condoleeza Rice: No, sir.
G.W. Bush: Then who is?
Condoleeza Rice: Yes, sir.
G.W. Bush: Yasser?
Condoleeza Rice: No, sir.
G.W. Bush: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary-General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condoleeza Rice: Kofi?
G.W. Bush: No, thanks.
Condoleeza Rice: You want Kofi?
G.W. Bush: No.
Condoleeza Rice: You don't want Kofi.
G.W. Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza Rice: Yes, sir.
G.W. Bush: Not Yasser! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza Rice: Kofi?
G.W. Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza Rice: And call who?
G.W. Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condoleeza Rice: Hu is the guy in China.
G.W. Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza Rice: Yes, sir.
G.W. Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.!
Condoleeza Rice: Kofi.
G.W. Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza Rice: Rice, here.
G.W. Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

James Sherman

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